Sigh.....Safety just isnt my thing even when I try.....

  We had a doctors appt at 8.30am all good bubba is fit and well besides a molar apparently coming through which is causing her to pull at her ears, her croaky voice is a mystery so of course it is a virus which is what they always say when they have no idea what is wrong with you.......Old Doc English as I like to call this particular gentleman offers Adam a jelly bean which of course is ridicilous Adam is waaaaaay to cool for doctor jelly beans now, even though the doc said "Why whats wrong with my jelly beans I licked them all clean"  Hehehehehehe...Adam not finding this even remotely amusing politely refuses.    We drive Adam to his friends house and Little Miss Happy starts to whinge turn to look at her to find that someone had undone the strap that holds the excess belt of the car seat and she had wrapped it around her neck and had her arm all caught up in there as well so stop car unwrap her from the Anaconda Safety snake that had her pinned roll the strap back up safely and tuck it back in behind the seat.   Home safe and sound I put Jemma is in the bath cause she is feral I can hear giggling and a carry on, bubba is in the bathroom with Jemma.  Gasp safety nightmare....wet floor, water, no adult supervision......OK out you come Missy this isnt safe and even though she protested quite loudly.......translation MAJOR tanty!!!!  I removed her to a safe play / tanty position.  Go back in to wash Jemmas hair gone a very short time come back to find her trying to shove a "Bucket Full O Monkeys" Monkey into the powerpoint but aha I have the safety plugs in so her plot is foiled, you will stay safe today child dammit.   Cheerily going about my daily chores of picking up after my beautiful family, my DAILY chores of picking up after my beautiful...... lazy, dirty, frustratingly feral family. Cleaning the kitchen again for the third time today and am loading the dishwasher, didnt hear sneaky ninja danger mouse crawl up she leans on the door of the dishwasher to stand up causing full dishwasher to tip, bottom drawer full of dishes slides out on a path to child destruction, I stick my leg out to stop it from hitting her,  it crashes into that little sticky out bone known as my ankle, the same sticky out bone that had been bulldozed earlier by a milk crazed baby in a really hard plastic walker arrrrrrg, baby yanked out of the way no dishes broken, all good bar my poor sticky out bone but I will live.  Put her in front of the TV with a bowl of baked beans cause "Baked Beans are good for the heart, Baked Beans will make you........" cant remember the rest but I am sure it will come to me :)  Peace and happiness returns...for now.  Off to tackle Mount Washmore followed closely by my little shadow.  Take washing out of the dryer put wet towels into basket get ready to take the load of dry clothes out to the lounge where of course they will sit till I get the urge to fold them or mum comes over and does it for me whichever comes first,  quick baby safety check......no chemicals, no escape, nothing to land on her, nothing life threatening, check check check and check,  baby is happily standing at the back laundry door watching the dog take his morning constitional very amused at the scratching and the sniffing and especially fascinated by the actual........anyhoo so I confidently leave her for no more than a minute I hear screams coming from the laundry....no way what the???.........  she was trapped between the door and a mountain of wet towels,  she had gone to sit on the edge of the laundry basket with the wet towels in it, said basket tipped and she was buried alive......seriously no word of a lie only my child could be injured by a basket of wet towels, noooooo mention of wet towels in the safety manual,  sure beware of swallowing small objects like the staples I caught her trying to eat yesterday,  sure put drawer latches on so they cant squash fingers when trying to get batteries out of the drawer to suck on.....also yesterday,  but nooooooo mention of dangerous washing......I think I will write a letter to the safety board..........